Posts tagged thoughts

What is my value?

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For the last two years I have had prophetic dreams come true in my life & I’ve enjoyed life but on days like today I don’t know or understand what my family & friends value in me.

First of all I’m a late bloomer, I’ve lacked concept of life until now but I’m getting better at it yet I’m also a little vicarious with makes a few people, both family & friends, worry about my choices, actions, & decisions. The people that believe in me have watched me fail at anything I’ve done throughout the course of my life.  You may not admit it but I’ve viewed every avenue I’ve attempted as a failure due to feeling held back by something, fear maybe, criticism, or whatever strange feeling it is.  My only comfort has been professional wrestling which I’m not meant for in ring competition though I’m pretty certain I could wow few audiences if the opportunity to do it comes around. Still everything else, idealized goal, has been short of what I wanted.

The worriers, you all are going to kill me with your worries! I have broad shoulder & know how to carry many loads but you cannot put your insecurity about me & reflect it back on me.  Honestly, it makes me want run farther away than anyone realizes. You can say that’s selfish but to me it’s preservation because I cannot let what I do affect you all. When incidents arise I work my best handle them straight forward as to minimize the effects to only myself & rest of you do no have go through any more than you have to.

Maybe that’s the burden I have to endure because I care too much because other people care too much & have an over abundance of care for me. I just want a balance because if I don’t find it I’m going to choice reckless abandon over common sense. That doesn’t sound good at all.

 

Jonathan.

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You’re different…

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are the sweet words that were said to me when my life took on a whole new meaning.

Welcome to my world… it’s a fun, lighter side of life, & really it’s not serious. That’s the way I like things but also enjoy expression, experiences, & feelings.

This is what brings me to my website, blog, tonight. It’s a question that’s deeply on my mind because it’s something that makes me wonder how many more people are out there that do not know what real love is like.

Have you ever heard the saying, “you’re looking for love in all the wrong places.” I’ve heard it countless times throughout my lifetime but for once I think it has smacked right in the face. Not in a way that I expected. It’s come in a very unique form that makes me appreciate the perspectives that are presented but genuinely love on the deepest of levels.

What are the current issues, well for myself it’s patiences… due my eagerness but not only that it’s that for a while now my thoughts on the back of my mind are always upon this exquisite creature. Like any unique breed comes a very different set of lines to follow & sometimes it’s rough to remember that because it’s not the same.

I was in a conversation just the other day where the word love was used & I’ll admit at that very moment I wanted to instantly react with these words, “that’s not love.” I didn’t react because I would have been wrong on many levels & possibly hurt the someone so near to my heart that its indescribable sometimes. This bond is reaches far beyond words, admiration, & trust for if it wasn’t for that there wouldn’t be a solid foundation for all the ups & downs I see or have already seen. I hope one day they’re not afraid but that may not happen. I don’t know but what I do know is that I am always right here no matter what is said. You do that for me & it means the world to me.

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