Posts tagged friends

What is my value?

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For the last two years I have had prophetic dreams come true in my life & I’ve enjoyed life but on days like today I don’t know or understand what my family & friends value in me.

First of all I’m a late bloomer, I’ve lacked concept of life until now but I’m getting better at it yet I’m also a little vicarious with makes a few people, both family & friends, worry about my choices, actions, & decisions. The people that believe in me have watched me fail at anything I’ve done throughout the course of my life.  You may not admit it but I’ve viewed every avenue I’ve attempted as a failure due to feeling held back by something, fear maybe, criticism, or whatever strange feeling it is.  My only comfort has been professional wrestling which I’m not meant for in ring competition though I’m pretty certain I could wow few audiences if the opportunity to do it comes around. Still everything else, idealized goal, has been short of what I wanted.

The worriers, you all are going to kill me with your worries! I have broad shoulder & know how to carry many loads but you cannot put your insecurity about me & reflect it back on me.  Honestly, it makes me want run farther away than anyone realizes. You can say that’s selfish but to me it’s preservation because I cannot let what I do affect you all. When incidents arise I work my best handle them straight forward as to minimize the effects to only myself & rest of you do no have go through any more than you have to.

Maybe that’s the burden I have to endure because I care too much because other people care too much & have an over abundance of care for me. I just want a balance because if I don’t find it I’m going to choice reckless abandon over common sense. That doesn’t sound good at all.

 

Jonathan.

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So I turn 35 this week…

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It’s time for another birthday, & yes I am glad I’ve made it this far, but what have I really done with my life so far?

Sometimes, here is where it’s going to get fun, I live my life as if I’m a super hero with soulutions to everyone’s problems. Which, actually I don’t have, there are times I do pretty good at but Tony Robbins started his paid life coach career a long time ago from scratch but for some reason I don’t see that happening for me. Granted, I am a nice guy & would give you the shirt off my back to help a friend out in any way.

Sometimes, I feel a CEO of a company & corporation minus the pay. Actually, I am because in 2008 I started part time self video publishing & then continued into photography. Also, here is fun one, I was on YouTube nearly before anyone else way back in October of 2006. Technically I can call myself a YouTube Original if I put more videos out.

My point is, at this stage in my life I should be a successful 35 year old with my own family, supporting myself, & living the “American Dream” but as my life tends to go it’s all about being different.

All my life, and even now, something about the world has defined me to being an outcast so if I am such then I will find other freaks just like myself & we will rise. Trust me… mark my words as I venture on into what life has to offer via the opportunities than can be made just by being yourself. I will do it my way. If you don’t believe me then get off my crazy train but if you do then hop on now because it’s going to get interesting!

Jonathan

 

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Where do I stand?

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Where do I stand is an important analytical question for self evaluation.  Somedays I think my answer is that I am not well defined or I’ve stuff doesn’t end up going my way yet I come out smelling like rose because i know how to handle situations.  Society is a mess & the Unites States in general is a more paranoid place than I used to be but that’s all because terrorists made this nations fearful of every devil behind every bush.  This isn’t a political rant, it’s a life rant on people & interactions.  “The greatest tragedy is people don’t think.” Ryan Miller

I study interaction because so many people get it wrong, don’t express them well, or choose to put to much ill conceived thinking into something that should remain simple.  I’ve been a victim of many of those circumstances where just because I know how to do something regardless of my title I’m treated differently.  I’m a doer & want to do because I can benefit my family, my friends, & people I love.  I getting to that point where if someone decides to cross my path trying to prevent what I love doing they’re going to be a stain on my road to what I want to accomplish.  I love being a nice guy but I have a very close friend that’s taught me a little about being on the edge & how actions speak louder than words too.  That’s why at the moment I feel like the odd man out of place in the overall picture, yet give me a day because those feeling pass.  What’s important are the people who I know who support me without question.  If I didn’t have those kind of people around me then everything I do would really feel quite meaningless, pointless, & everything I’ve done is waist of time.  This year has been full of ups & downs.  My 2013 hasn’t been all that easy but if it were not for God above, my own nature, & the company I find myself around I couldn’t do what I do.  I made reference to the word title in the second sentence of this paragraph.  That’s a reference to my real life job as custodian or service staff for a school system & it’s a title I cannot stand.  I’m just going to blatantly & bluntly come out and compare ti to slut shaming, yeah you read that right, which has been around for quite a long time.  I know the you all reading this out there are like, “hold the phone.” How can you compare your title of custodian to slut shaming where a woman makes herself available to men and gets criticized for the action.  Simple, I ended up getting criticism for what I’m good & enjoy doing because someone else thought it was wrong of me to be doing photography, videography, digital media, & social media for a girls basketball team I spent four years around & put countless hours into making memories for them to enjoy after they move of from high school days of being a student athlete. I was shamed by one person, the community showed there endless support, & I ended up with very close friend in the process.

What I’ve learned in year timeframe with my close friend is a lot about life & sometimes following your desires.  Individually I’m pretty strong person but my resolve wains at times because it sometimes I go out of my way to help all of my friends even if it means sharing a lot loads.  Sometimes those burdens come in all different packages but that’s most of life is tackling all of those with a good support group of people who can really tell you that tomorrow the sun will rise & you have a fresh start to really keep proving to everyone what you’re made of even it you only have a good day.  Who knows what might change overnight?  Just always be ready for because its sometimes it can be a true test of what kind of person you really are.  Always rise up to challenges & defeat them so that you can become better at what life throws at you my friends.  Yet sometimes its all about consistency & nothing changes.

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