For the last two years I have had prophetic dreams come true in my life & I’ve enjoyed life but on days like today I don’t know or understand what my family & friends value in me.

First of all I’m a late bloomer, I’ve lacked concept of life until now but I’m getting better at it yet I’m also a little vicarious with makes a few people, both family & friends, worry about my choices, actions, & decisions. The people that believe in me have watched me fail at anything I’ve done throughout the course of my life.  You may not admit it but I’ve viewed every avenue I’ve attempted as a failure due to feeling held back by something, fear maybe, criticism, or whatever strange feeling it is.  My only comfort has been professional wrestling which I’m not meant for in ring competition though I’m pretty certain I could wow few audiences if the opportunity to do it comes around. Still everything else, idealized goal, has been short of what I wanted.

The worriers, you all are going to kill me with your worries! I have broad shoulder & know how to carry many loads but you cannot put your insecurity about me & reflect it back on me.  Honestly, it makes me want run farther away than anyone realizes. You can say that’s selfish but to me it’s preservation because I cannot let what I do affect you all. When incidents arise I work my best handle them straight forward as to minimize the effects to only myself & rest of you do no have go through any more than you have to.

Maybe that’s the burden I have to endure because I care too much because other people care too much & have an over abundance of care for me. I just want a balance because if I don’t find it I’m going to choice reckless abandon over common sense. That doesn’t sound good at all.

 

Jonathan.

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