For the last two years I have had prophetic dreams come true in my life & I’ve enjoyed life but on days like today I don’t know or understand what my family & friends value in me.
First of all I’m a late bloomer, I’ve lacked concept of life until now but I’m getting better at it yet I’m also a little vicarious with makes a few people, both family & friends, worry about my choices, actions, & decisions. The people that believe in me have watched me fail at anything I’ve done throughout the course of my life. You may not admit it but I’ve viewed every avenue I’ve attempted as a failure due to feeling held back by something, fear maybe, criticism, or whatever strange feeling it is. My only comfort has been professional wrestling which I’m not meant for in ring competition though I’m pretty certain I could wow few audiences if the opportunity to do it comes around. Still everything else, idealized goal, has been short of what I wanted.
The worriers, you all are going to kill me with your worries! I have broad shoulder & know how to carry many loads but you cannot put your insecurity about me & reflect it back on me. Honestly, it makes me want run farther away than anyone realizes. You can say that’s selfish but to me it’s preservation because I cannot let what I do affect you all. When incidents arise I work my best handle them straight forward as to minimize the effects to only myself & rest of you do no have go through any more than you have to.
Maybe that’s the burden I have to endure because I care too much because other people care too much & have an over abundance of care for me. I just want a balance because if I don’t find it I’m going to choice reckless abandon over common sense. That doesn’t sound good at all.
are the sweet words that were said to me when my life took on a whole new meaning.
Welcome to my world… it’s a fun, lighter side of life, & really it’s not serious. That’s the way I like things but also enjoy expression, experiences, & feelings.
This is what brings me to my website, blog, tonight. It’s a question that’s deeply on my mind because it’s something that makes me wonder how many more people are out there that do not know what real love is like.
Have you ever heard the saying, “you’re looking for love in all the wrong places.” I’ve heard it countless times throughout my lifetime but for once I think it has smacked right in the face. Not in a way that I expected. It’s come in a very unique form that makes me appreciate the perspectives that are presented but genuinely love on the deepest of levels.
What are the current issues, well for myself it’s patiences… due my eagerness but not only that it’s that for a while now my thoughts on the back of my mind are always upon this exquisite creature. Like any unique breed comes a very different set of lines to follow & sometimes it’s rough to remember that because it’s not the same.
I was in a conversation just the other day where the word love was used & I’ll admit at that very moment I wanted to instantly react with these words, “that’s not love.” I didn’t react because I would have been wrong on many levels & possibly hurt the someone so near to my heart that its indescribable sometimes. This bond is reaches far beyond words, admiration, & trust for if it wasn’t for that there wouldn’t be a solid foundation for all the ups & downs I see or have already seen. I hope one day they’re not afraid but that may not happen. I don’t know but what I do know is that I am always right here no matter what is said. You do that for me & it means the world to me.
We live in world full of problems, undoubtedly, but the best approach to this is just one day a time. A very close friend sent me that image above & it’s very important to remember to do your best daily. Sometimes, we don’t, there are those days where we have bad days & we fail to do anything justifiably good. In fact the seven billion people on this earth can do extremely evil things to each other than are completely unacceptable, unfathomable, & most of all just sadly unfortunate.
One situation doesn’t define us, solutions to world’s problems come from common people & not the decision makers in suits. They may weld the power but the truth is as sensible & sentient beings we have God given rights to live the way we all individually see fit. Freedoms.
What am I getting at for this Monday Blog?
We have choices, many choices, & there are times we make the wrong ones. If you make one then you should admit to it because when you make a mistake it much easier to make a negative a positive by choosing to say, “I was wrong in my actions & deserve any consequences you have for me.”
Whether it’s out in the open, personal, or private the solutions & roots to betterment begins inside ourselves so we can shae it to, sometimes, a dark world. As for the bad days, you pick up, make up, & “never do it again.” If you don’t learn from mistakes then you are doomed to repeat them.
The world has enough doom & gloom nowadays to be a monster like so many are. Slay the monsters, including your own, & make the world a better place by choosing positive paths. Not destruction.
It’s time for another birthday, & yes I am glad I’ve made it this far, but what have I really done with my life so far?
Sometimes, here is where it’s going to get fun, I live my life as if I’m a super hero with soulutions to everyone’s problems. Which, actually I don’t have, there are times I do pretty good at but Tony Robbins started his paid life coach career a long time ago from scratch but for some reason I don’t see that happening for me. Granted, I am a nice guy & would give you the shirt off my back to help a friend out in any way.
Sometimes, I feel a CEO of a company & corporation minus the pay. Actually, I am because in 2008 I started part time self video publishing & then continued into photography. Also, here is fun one, I was on YouTube nearly before anyone else way back in October of 2006. Technically I can call myself a YouTube Original if I put more videos out.
My point is, at this stage in my life I should be a successful 35 year old with my own family, supporting myself, & living the “American Dream” but as my life tends to go it’s all about being different.
All my life, and even now, something about the world has defined me to being an outcast so if I am such then I will find other freaks just like myself & we will rise. Trust me… mark my words as I venture on into what life has to offer via the opportunities than can be made just by being yourself. I will do it my way. If you don’t believe me then get off my crazy train but if you do then hop on now because it’s going to get interesting!
Where do I stand is an important analytical question for self evaluation. Somedays I think my answer is that I am not well defined or I’ve stuff doesn’t end up going my way yet I come out smelling like rose because i know how to handle situations. Society is a mess & the Unites States in general is a more paranoid place than I used to be but that’s all because terrorists made this nations fearful of every devil behind every bush. This isn’t a political rant, it’s a life rant on people & interactions. “The greatest tragedy is people don’t think.” Ryan Miller
I study interaction because so many people get it wrong, don’t express them well, or choose to put to much ill conceived thinking into something that should remain simple. I’ve been a victim of many of those circumstances where just because I know how to do something regardless of my title I’m treated differently. I’m a doer & want to do because I can benefit my family, my friends, & people I love. I getting to that point where if someone decides to cross my path trying to prevent what I love doing they’re going to be a stain on my road to what I want to accomplish. I love being a nice guy but I have a very close friend that’s taught me a little about being on the edge & how actions speak louder than words too. That’s why at the moment I feel like the odd man out of place in the overall picture, yet give me a day because those feeling pass. What’s important are the people who I know who support me without question. If I didn’t have those kind of people around me then everything I do would really feel quite meaningless, pointless, & everything I’ve done is waist of time. This year has been full of ups & downs. My 2013 hasn’t been all that easy but if it were not for God above, my own nature, & the company I find myself around I couldn’t do what I do. I made reference to the word title in the second sentence of this paragraph. That’s a reference to my real life job as custodian or service staff for a school system & it’s a title I cannot stand. I’m just going to blatantly & bluntly come out and compare ti to slut shaming, yeah you read that right, which has been around for quite a long time. I know the you all reading this out there are like, “hold the phone.” How can you compare your title of custodian to slut shaming where a woman makes herself available to men and gets criticized for the action. Simple, I ended up getting criticism for what I’m good & enjoy doing because someone else thought it was wrong of me to be doing photography, videography, digital media, & social media for a girls basketball team I spent four years around & put countless hours into making memories for them to enjoy after they move of from high school days of being a student athlete. I was shamed by one person, the community showed there endless support, & I ended up with very close friend in the process.
What I’ve learned in year timeframe with my close friend is a lot about life & sometimes following your desires. Individually I’m pretty strong person but my resolve wains at times because it sometimes I go out of my way to help all of my friends even if it means sharing a lot loads. Sometimes those burdens come in all different packages but that’s most of life is tackling all of those with a good support group of people who can really tell you that tomorrow the sun will rise & you have a fresh start to really keep proving to everyone what you’re made of even it you only have a good day. Who knows what might change overnight? Just always be ready for because its sometimes it can be a true test of what kind of person you really are. Always rise up to challenges & defeat them so that you can become better at what life throws at you my friends. Yet sometimes its all about consistency & nothing changes.
EDITORS NOTE: I began writing this before I went to Creation Festival NorthEast & feel even more adamant about posting this after listening to testimony from others. If you truly live as Christian in this world you have to be daring & bold just as Jesus was in his ministry. I don’t have a perfect life but all of my work goes to glory of God & the way I live.
And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit.
I know what you did last winter
So, I’ve decided that I’m going to share this with everyone I know because my closest friends said that what I went through was on the verge of unnecessary. You don’t agree with me because all of this is being told from my perspective & as we all know there are two sides to every story.
I have preface it with some back story because my life isn’t exactly linear… well it is in a existence to time, space, & universe standards but for me it diverges into who I am. What makes me seek out passions & start working towards a better future whether it’s ten minutes down the road or ten years. My first year on internet was 1996 when I was the ripe old age of only sixteen. It wasn’t high speed because it was dial up account but it was fast enough for the original form of social media, chat rooms, message boards, & internet relay chat.
Even back then I was already open to the experience of getting online and interacting with people from my local area to around the world. No surprise? Right? After I graduated high school most of my existence was online and before social media became a big deal and totally ingrained into the mainstream public culture.
Fast forward a few years to mid 20’s. I had a girlfriend for nearly most of that time and describe it as such, two wonderful years, two shaky years, & two years that it unraveled. Someone I had completely naive trust in and I’ve had to slowly recover from such. So much so that my first real interest after her was Canadian girl in western province who was a very forward eighteen years old. We had ten years age difference but I puppy loved her to death until she was fed up with me. Yet, it sparked my fire back up to look for a woman.
Here’s where the story picks up, if you haven’t been reading the last three paragraphs they may be tad bit unnecessary but they’ll give you a clearer perspective of who I am. So the year was 2008 when all of the garbage starts and I’ve had to endure being accused of being sexual predator three times in the course of 18 months.
My first incident occurred with a girl then 14 who’s now 18 on a Christian website called FaithFreaks.com where I worked for year as volenteer cousiler & youth leader. I had many people that had my phone number including many teenagers. During a late night conversation I said something personally to her about myself that at that time freaked her out that she reported it to other administrators & leaders. What did I say? Well, something she didn’t understand & was sexual term but I was not trying to do anything with her or stalk her. After the investigation interview they cleared me of wrongdoing & it was just a big misunderstanding with a temporary ban from the website.
My second incident happened when I had started work at Chuck E. Cheese right before I lost my job at NAPA Auto Parts in April 2008. The job started in February to be exact & this incident happens in June. Where some woman, while I’m dressed up as Chuck E. Cheese, accuses me of fondling her breast. My manager quickly dismisses it. She knows I’m not some sick pervert, seriously I had the back ground check before I started to work there & a majority of their staff is teenagers. By the next week I have an incident report to send to corporate office. Then I have four Charleston police detectives show up at my house. Where I explain how it all went down & ask me to come in the next day to be questioned. Sure, I have nothing to hide. I’m a very honest & straightforward person. Ask anyone that knows me. You want know anything about me, ask! Well, after the questioning the officer seemed pretty cool about nothing going on. Yet, this wasn’t going to end peacefully as the woman decided to sue the company. It ended after a year apparently round after round in court.
(Editors Note: You have to pass a comprehensive background check to work at Chuck E. Cheese as an adult. Same for when you start with a school system.)
Certainly my year couldn’t get anymore turbulent could it, wrong. My third incident occurred as substitute when I started for Kanawha County Schools. A teacher at Point Harmony accused me of sexual harassment. I did receive a written verbal warning for this incident because the word I used that irritated the woman was busty. Since then, I’ve rarely even used that word since then due to making me paranoid to even say.
After 2008 it’s been pretty quiet so I decided to launch into social media, digital media, photography, video, & commentary on political views. So far I’ve had pretty decent time doing including diving into being a public figure. That’s why my facebook & social media is set to public. I have nothing to hide, also a majority of minors I interact with I have parents on my facebook page as well. The only issue is Kanawha County schools considers social media dangerous. To me that is dinosaur thinking because if you understand technology you use it but school systems or at least most them advise their professional, service, & other employees to avoid them. It can all lead to “trouble”.
Here, time for me to be blunt about this. The only trouble it can cause is if you’re sexting, or having conversations with minors that are not appropriate. Almost every other day it seems there is a news story on some person, adult to minor interaction, that thought it was a great idea to do send or exchange sexuallity explicit materal. Which, here let me put you this way, I’ve NEVER did this. Don’t plan on doing it. This world has become everyone is suspect & if not you have to be doing something bad. I’ve treaded the boundaries unintentionally & learned from my mistakes but this past fall of 2012 drama reared its ugly head again.
Even with most of my safeguards of being an honest & outgoing person occasional people don’t agree with the way you live. So, I was all set have a great season with the St. Albans Lady Red Dragons basketball team. I had someone pop up & cause my life to be hectic for a few months. Here is what happened… (see below images from my personal facebook account)
As you can see I had a parent whose daughter I met in the general public at a haunted house decide I was some kind of threat. Apparently people think I’m either an easy target or just plain stupid about the way I conduct myself. I’m a person of character & integrity.
If you don’t believe me then spend some time around me which is what I did with the girls basketball coach Scott James. He’s good person & if he thought for a moment I was threat to any of his student athletes I wouldn’t have had just access to him & his team for five years.
Furthermore I made myself accessible to not only the student athletes but the parents. People who would appreciate my hard working efforts to cover the team as photographer & digital media gatherer. So, where am I? Limbo… I never heard back from the principal or the board but my plans are if I’m still in this area & a custodian at Saint Albans High School I plan to be back where I was with Lady Red Dragons. Doing photography & being part of the support staff for this team. Finally, if releasing this costs me my job at Kanawha County Schools because I’m releasing this via my personal & public website then I am not meant to stay an employee there & it’s time to move on. Which is what I’ve been looking for since I started position because I’m not cut out to cleaning, thought I’m not cut out for a lot of things but that doesn’t stop me from trying. Thanks for reading about crazy life.
One side note, judge me & say what you’d like about me but I am not after any teenage girls. Yeah, I know many of them but seriously try actually being mature because I don’t think with my penis, really it doesn’t control my brain. Thank you.
This past Sunday exactly 15 years ago the graduating class of Poca High School was waiting in a parking lot wondering if were were going to graduate on time. In fact many of us just said mail us the diplomas because we were frustrated that the building we were supposed to use had been hit with a power outage by a severe storm that rolled through the Kanawha Valley earlier in the afternoon. It was a very rare & strange occurrence.
Maybe it should have been a sign that sometimes life just isn’t under our control but we’re subject to other forces in this world. Whether it be people or even the planet we call home. So where are we 15 years later. Many graduates have families, good jobs, & are making the world a better place. I guess if anything most of the Poca High School Class of 1998 has found their happiness & success.